Comic Relief by R.T. Fitch – Author of “Straight from the Horse’s Heart“
The “Horse/Unicorn Eaters” Just Won’t GO AWAY!
“Back by popular demand, the Twisted Fairy tale of Evil Princess Sue and her bumbling sidekick the Duke of Doink. Many thought that the tale was over with our first installment. And then interest was peaked with the prequel but now we have been asked to continue the saga to it’s goofy and dreadful end…and I am so inclined to oblige.
There have been several readers who feel that these twisted and perverse characters are actually represented in the real world by people of ill repute. As a writer I cannot verify if that assertion is either true or false but if fiction often resembles fact, then so be it. But what I can tell you is that this tale is a struggle of good versus evil, truth over lies and common sense compared to sheer stupidity. If all of this mirrors a real life struggle, then perhaps there are several lessons to be learned, here. Let’s ride the story to it’s conclusion and have a few chuckles on the way as pure evil never does a very good job of presenting itself well to the enlightened. Happy reading – R.T.”
Chapter Two:
Evil Princess Sue of the Kingdom of Wyoming - Kingdom Press File Photo
It was reported that the Kingdom of Wyoming was safe, that all lived in peace and safety for years and years. But what the old tales don’t tell was that true evil cannot be killed nor will it rest in peace.
The blessing of the Unicorn was just that, a blessing offered to the Princess and Duke with an open heart and out of love and kindness. To a normal soul this would have been a “life moment”, an experience that would have uplifted the individual for the remainder of their life and an anchor to all that is good and righteous. But to Evil Princess Sue and the Duke of Doink it was sensory overload, and then some.
For the Duke; he froze in place because there was just too much to mentally process. This happened to him often when he was asked to quote fact and to support his assertions with quantitative evidence, probably because the word quantitative was more than one syllable and that alone was enough to throw his troubled mind into overload. But the blessing of the unicorn was far beyond a simple question from one of his unlucky royal subjects, it threw him into catatonic arrest for years as his simple mind attempted to process the event; now for the Evil Princess, it was another story.
The Evil Princess had devoted her entire life and royal career to the dedication of killing and eating the magical Unicorns. This practice was rejected in her society so she was ostracized from social events and not accepted by either the commoner or royalty. Although initial rejection and shock was brought about by her unkempt and seamy appearance the core of all rejection came from her twisted blood lust for all that represented good and grace in the world. This drove her even deeper into her dark and bloody madness so that when the Unicorn blessed her, the heat of her obsession was driven from her heart and she froze as she stood, unable to move, unable to speak and frozen in time for she had never received such a gracious offering and it was more than her rudimentary emotions could bear.
There the two statues of stupidity stood in the forest for years, cloths soiled, stupefied looks on their faces, birds resting on their empty heads until one day the Duke of Doink’s lips moved and a gravely voice said, “Cool”.
Birds flew and rabbits scattered as the dusty figure stirred and began to look around. You could almost hear the Duke’s joint’s creak as he stretched and began to move about.
“Cool” he uttered again, “What a weird dream, a unicorn being nice to us. Strange dream, never will happen.”
Obviously the reality had not sunk in and over the years the event was ground down to “dream” status and the simple Duke of Doink was able to kick start his brain.
While he stretched he noticed the portly body of the Evil Princess standing next to him. It startled him, but most things did, so he stepped back to size up the situation.
“Duh, Sue, wake-up. It was just a dream” he stuttered.
Slowly he reached out and touched her manly shoulder, it caused her rusty, armor breastplate to shift and the weather worn “Unicorn Hater” ribbon loosened and fell the ground.
“Oh-oh”, uttered the Duke just as a rustling of the underbrush distracted him and he spun around…
…to be continued.
Categories: Horse Slaughter, The Force of the Horse, Wild Horses/Mustangs
Straight from the Horse's Heart 
Good way to start the day, R.T. but also some truths in here to think about, if pictures are worth a thousand words, you’ve picked a great one for this story, actually an improvement on the original subject!
LikeLike
Good job, R.T. Where can I read the first installment? Have a great day!
LikeLike
Click on the hyperlink in the intro that says first installment – same with the prequel.
Sent from R.T.’s iPad
LikeLike
Again R.T. you top the charts!
LikeLike
From looking at the picture, unicorns must be very fattening…….
LikeLike
Another gem!
LikeLike
This is great ….I hope they are reading this , the picture is perfect 🙂
LikeLike
Yeah, what a flattering picture of the Princes! Lovely! Agree, Unicorns must be quite calorie dense. Or, maybe the Princess is just a Compulsive Unicorn Eater. She already has so many mental illnesses what’s one more?
LikeLike